


If the World was ending

by whippedforqueso



Category: NCT (Band), markhyuck - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Markhyuck Summer Fight of 2017 (NCT)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:48:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25401121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whippedforqueso/pseuds/whippedforqueso
Summary: In which Mark overcomes his internalised homophobia to ask Donghyuck to live with him during the coronavirus lockdown. (This is heavily inspired by JP Saxe’s ‘If the World was ending’)
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 3
Kudos: 68





	If the World was ending

_“As you know we’ll be moving to online learning starting from next week in order to cooperate with the Government’s new policies for Coronavirus…..”_ the professor went on as the students hurriedly packed their belongings.

 _Online school_ , thought Mark, still not fully comprehending how quickly things had gone from normal to panicked as people started to prepare for lockdown.

Mark, not used to feeling spontaneous at all, suddenly felt the need to take a detour on his way home. Just a small detour. It’ll be good exercise. He tilted his face towards the sky, closing his eyes as he took in the sunshine, and tried to convince himself that he was just here to enjoy the scenery. But, like clockwork, his eyes eventually began to search for a boy with glowing, tanned skin. Skin that was like gold, pure, twenty four carat gold.

It had almost been almost a year since they’d talked. Properly talked.

He’d talked to others throughout this time. Girls. Perfectly nice girls who his parents would’ve loved to meet.

But somehow, Donghyuck managed to always slip in between the silences of his thoughts. What was the current album he was obsessed with? What was his new food discovery? What would he do now that the dorms were shutting down? Mark knew that Donghyuck had a difficult relationship with his parents, and that it’d been one of the reasons he’d been desperate to get out of Jeju-do. Would he go back? Or would he find a way to pay for an overpriced room in Seoul?

 _Or he could move in with me,_ Mark thought momentarily, before slapping himself back to reality and feeling his cheeks heat up with shame at the thought.

Somewhere along the way, Mark had begun to accept the fact that those thoughts would never go away. It clung to him like sand to feet after a beach day. He’d think that they were finally gone, but then he’d find himself buying Donghyuck’s old coffee order, or watching the youtubers who’d remained on his algorithm even after they’d stopped seeing each other.

How was he supposed to stop thinking of him, when even the sun reminded him of Donghyuck? But no one else needed to know. Mark was sure he could continue living, living a normal life as a normal person that is, even with these thoughts at the back of his mind.

It had been unbearable for Mark when Donghyuck had suggested to ‘take a break’. They’d both known, when they’d awkwardly made eye contact that this ‘break’ would be forever. This was them ‘breaking up’. Not that they’d really been together in the first place anyway.

No. They hadn’t been dating. Merely…acquaintances with the same needs, as Mark had always liked to think of it. Needs that nobody else had been able to meet after Donghyuck had left.

They’d both known how it would end when they started. They’d known in the way that Mark had locked the bathroom door while pretending to be drunk before pushing Donghyuck against it. They’d known in the way that both their lips always tasted like alcohol for the first few months. They’d known in the way that neither one of them had ever suggested a date during the day. They’d known as Donghyuck softly asked for his sweater back, and Mark had handed over his toothbrush along with it. Mark had known as he’d not pretended to see when Donghyuck left his spare key on the kitchen counter, because that would make it less real.

Mark had bought that exact sweater a week after they’d stopped seeing each other, justifying that it was on sale, and that it looked nice. He’d argued the same when he bought Donghyuck’s cologne, and later when he’d sprayed it onto the same sweater and wore it to sleep. Neither of them had ever said anything, but there had always been an unspoken, mutual understanding between the two. An understanding of two people who wanted something they couldn’t have. Something against the laws of nature.

Sometimes, unbeknownst to Donghyuck, Mark would dream of a future together. Waking up to Donghyuck making breakfast on a Monday morning, going on dates that weren’t just dark movie theaters and convenience stores late at night. They could run away. Just the two of them. Maybe to Canada or even Netherlands, anywhere would be fine really, as long as they weren’t judged too harshly and no one could find them. But he’d known that it was just wishful thinking. The world didn’t work like that. He had a duty to his parents, to give them grandchildren, and to be the perfect boy.

Mark had denied the fact that he missed Donghyuck, saying that the sweater was comfortable, and that the cologne had a relaxing scent. He denied it when he kept Donghyuck’s number in his contacts, arguing that it might come in handy one day. He denied it every time he took a detour after class so that he might catch a glimpse of Donghyuck with his friends, saying that it was good exercise.

And today was no different as Mark’s eyes found Donghyuck amongst a circle of friends. His skin shining under the sun, a contagious smile on his face as he joked around. He had newly dyed hair.

Ash purple, just like what Mark had suggested last year. A part of Mark couldn’t help but think it was Donghyuck’s way of saying he still thought of him.

-

It couldn’t happen before. They both knew that, despite the way their lips perfectly aligned, and the way their hands somehow always found each other, they weren’t meant for one another. They both knew they couldn’t be forever. But now… the world was ending. People were dying. Never seeing each other again could be a reality. Mark checked the time on his phone. 2:39 am. Would Donghyuck even be awake? And even if he was, would he pick up? It could’ve been the caffeine rush from the coffee, or the hope still lingering from when he’d seen the two boys holding hands in the park earlier, but Mark opened his contacts list, and with trembling fingers, found Donghyuck’s number.

“Hey Donghyuck?”


End file.
